I am a currant bush.

It always amazes me how God puts people and things in our paths to help us when we absolutely need it the most.

The other day, one of the teachers I work with shared a video before class called "The Will of God". Even though it was a video that I have seen so many times, the message that it shared had never struck me the way that it did in that moment. Even though it was something so small and seemingly insignificant, I honestly believe that it was shared just for me. I am so thankful that she decided to share it that day because it gave me so much comfort and changed the way I have been looking at my life.

I have recently been struggling with things that have affected my life in such a way that in just one day I felt like my entire world got turned upside down. For those of you who know me, you know that I am a planner, a list-maker, and a perfectionist. And life has not been going according to my checklist! I have been shut down, denied, and rejected in every direction that I have tried to go. In every way that I have wanted to go.

Why? Because I am a currant bush. I am not a fruit tree or a shade tree; I am a currant bush.

It is so easy to get carried away with our own selfish desires, no matter how innocent they may be. I had no idea that I was being selfish, but I was going through life according to my own plan and desires rather than according to God's plan for me. I was trying to do things and be things that I am not intended to be right now.

Since these incredibly humbling experiences, I have already seen such amazing blessings come into my life. I have begun to notice my life being "laden with fruit", and I have said countless times to my Father in Heaven, ‘Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for loving me enough to cut me down.’ I am so looking forward to life and the new adventures that are coming.

"All of us can meet God’s high expectations, however great or small our capacity and talent may be... Let us pray for His love-inspired correction." -Elder D. Todd Christofferson

Katie Dawn Howell

This is my sister Katie. And yes, she really is that beautiful.

Katie is a senior in high school and is graduating so soon. I was lucky enough to be able to take some senior pictures for her this weekend and it was so fun. We froze in the snow, walked all the way to a creepy tree in the middle of nowhere, saw yellow snow, and with every step we would fall into knee-deep snow, laughing the entire time. Even though she has only been my sister for a couple years I feel like I have known her forever. I am so excited to see what she is going to do after high school and for the (even more) amazing person that she is going to become.

This girl is one of my best friends. She is so funny, so sassy, and so strong. She is also so kind, so loving, so loyal, and has such a big heart. She and I can just sit next to each other for hours and do nothing but still have so much fun together. She gets my stupid sense of humor. And I literally can talk to her about anything and everything. I am extremely lucky to have her in my life.

I love you, Katie! I am so thankful to have you as a sister and best friend.

Now, here's some pictures to show just how gorgeous she is.

Year: One

Can you believe that this was one year ago? 

But really. This past year has FLOWN past. And easily it has been the best year of my life because I’ve been able to spend it with Kyle right by my side. 

This last year has been an adventure. I don’t think there’s a better word to describe it! The first year of marriage is mostly about just really getting to know each other, to learn how to deal with each other, and to learn how to appreciate each other and love each other more and more. Kyle and I have talked on countless occasions about, even though it's super cliche, how we have spent a good amount of our marriage just falling more and more in love with each other. And I will tell you that I think that that has been the best part of this last year, is just getting to know Kyle more. Learning how he does certain things, or what his talents are, or what his favorite foods are (because trust me, it's changed multiple times), and just creating so many awesome memories that we'll be able to cherish for forever. 

Also, here's some highlights from this last year that I would like to commemorate:
          *We moved into our first apartment
          *We figured out what we're going to school for (tune in later for a graduation post!)
          *We built a snowman
          *We moved THREE TIMES. (Pocatello, Rexburg, and now back to AZ)
          *Kyle turned me into a (sort of) volleyball player
          *I turned Kyle into a (sort of) lover of The Voice
          *And so many more, it would take me another year to write them all down!

Bottom line is I have LOVED my first year of marriage. It was a learning experience, and it was a loving experience. And I cannot wait for the next eternity of years that I have sealed to my sweetheart.

"Everyone says that the first year is the hardest. So if that's true, we are looking at an amazing life together." -Kyle

When You Need; Help

Trials come in different ways for everyone. And lately for me, they have seemed like a constant battle that I am having to fight every day in different forms, shapes, and sizes. With that being said, I don't believe that coincidences "just happen". Today I completely let myself just pretty much throw up only some of my problems to one of my best friends, and she said, "One thing I know for sure is that Heavenly Father loves you and is always looking out for you and has a perfect plan for you. I would fast and pray about it and ask for patience and understanding." Duh. I knew that.

My thoughts immediately turned to Pinterest where just this morning I repinned a "Scriptural Directory Assistance". So, you know what I did? I grabbed my scriptures, went to the park, walked around for a while (because today is a rare beautiful day in Rexburg) and then I sat down and looked up every scripture on that list. I marked every single one. And the entire time, through the tears of emotion and happiness and relief, I kept thinking that everyone needs to hear these. All of us go through trials, all of us experience these thoughts on a daily basis, and even if we aren't experiencing difficult challenges right this very moment they are phenomenal reminders. So, here they are:

When you need to feel loved: "As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love." (John 15:9)
When you need help in school: "Let him that is ignorant learn wisdom by humbling himself and calling upon the Lord his God, that his eyes may be opened that he may see, and his ears opened that he may hear." (D&C 136:32)
When it seems like your problems will never end: "My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes." (D&C 121:7-8)
When you need the right answer: "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed." (James 1:5-6)
When you need to make a decision: "But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right." (D&C 9:8)
When you want blessings: There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated— And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated." (D&C 130:20-21)
When you are afraid: "Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not." (D&C 6:36)
When you need comfort: "Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me. (Isaiah 49:15-16)
When you need to receive revelation: "Yea, he that repenteth and exerciseth faith, and bringeth forth good works, and prayeth continually without ceasing—unto such it is given to know the mysteries of God; yea, unto such it shall be given to reveal things which never have been revealed; yea, and it shall be given unto such to bring thousands of souls to repentance, even as it has been given unto us to bring these our brethren to repentance." (Alma 26:22)
When you are stressed out: "Do not run faster or labor more than you have strength and means provided to enable you to translate; but be diligent unto the end." (D&C 10:4)
When you need strength: "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." (Ether 12:27)
When your prayers aren't being answered: "Verily I say unto you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks; Waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament—the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted. Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good, and to my name’s glory, saith the Lord." (D&C 98:1-3)
When you want to be treated better: "Therefore, all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them, for this is the law and the prophets." (3 Nephi 14:12)
When you are feeling judgmental: "Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?" (Matthew 7:1-3)
When you are unhappy with a leader: "Condemn me not because of mine imperfection, neither my father, because of his imperfection, neither them who have written before him; but rather give thanks unto God that he hath made manifest unto you our imperfections, that ye may learn to be more wise than we have been." (Mormon 9:31)
When people disappoint you: "Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots." (Luke 23:34)
When you need to win against Satan: "Pray always, that you may come off conqueror; yea, that you may conquer Satan, and that you may escape the hands of the servants of Satan that do uphold his work." (D&C 10:5)
When you need proof there's a God: "...The scriptures are laid before thee, yea, and all things denote there is a God; yea, even the earth, and all things that are upon the face of it, yea, and its motion, yea, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator." (Alma 30:44)
When someone has wronged you: "Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin." (D&C 64:9)
When you need a sign: "...I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith." (Ether 12:6)
When you need mercy: "Yea, verily I say unto you, if ye will come unto me ye shall have eternal life. Behold, mine arm of mercy is extended towards you, and whosoever will come, him will I receive; and blessed are those who come unto me." (3 Nephi 9:14)
When you want to please God: "And to love him with all the heart, and with all the understanding, and with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love his neighbour as himself, is more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices." (Mark 12:33)
When you need to get more out of your efforts: "But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul." (2 Nephi 32:9)

The main thing that I learned after reading all of these is how much my happiness, my outlook on life, and the way others perceive me is based on ME. I have the biggest impact on each of these things, and I play the biggest role in determining the path that my life takes. If I am upset with someone, it's most likely my perception of them that is what's making me upset. If I'm not happy, I am the only person that can ultimately do anything about it. I can testify that the most effective way to approach life is through reading the scriptures and praying. I can think of no better way to go forward with humility and live life in the way that Heavenly Father has intended.

"I testify that bad days come to an end, that faith always triumphs, and that heavenly promises are always kept." -Elder Jeffrey R. Holland.

"The longer the wait, the sweeter the kiss."

For those of you who don't already know, right now I am living in the good ol' Rexburg, Idaho finishing up school while Kyle is living in Arizona working at a physical therapy office. Yes, this is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and no, I would never suggest this as the first option for any married couple EVER. BUT, with that being said, we have both experienced so much strength and growth in our marriage that we wouldn't have been able to experience without this distance between us. But all of that is for another blog post!

Now for the sweet part! After 4.5 weeks, thousands of text messages and hundreds of phone and facetime calls, Kyle was able to take his first trip up here to visit me for the weekend. And this weekend was by far the best weekend I have had in such a long time. Here's why:

So Kyle's flight here was supposed to get in around 5:15. We were going to go to dinner, hang out in Idaho Falls, come home and make treats and then stay up all night just cuddling and talking. After about seven flight delays, I finally was able to pick up my sweetheart from the airport around 11:30 that night. I cannot think of anything more frustrating. But the suspense of seeing him again when we had gone for so long and were so close gave more meaning to the saying, "The longer the wait, the sweeter the kiss." Seeing him again gave me the same butterflies that I got when he gave me our first kiss, and made me fall in love with him all over again.

This weekend was extra special because of this kid right here. One of Kyle's best friends decided to "take a swim" and asked Kyle to come with him. After so many years, our good friend Steve decided to be baptized as a member of the Church and Kyle was able to carry out that special ordinance for him. It couldn't have been a happier day! We are so happy for Steve and this amazing choice that he made. (Love you man). But what brought tears to my eyes was being able to witness Kyle use his gift of the priesthood first hand. As a wife, there is nothing better than knowing that you married someone with this power and that you can be the direct beneficiary of it! I am so thankful for the priesthood and the peace and joy that it brings to our small family, and I'm thankful for Kyle and that he has always lived worthy to have the power of the priesthood.

Other highlights of the weekend include: sitting outside and roasting marshmallows in our fire pit for hours, blasting Backstreet Boys and singing all the way to Pocatello, eating way too much food, taking a scooter ride all over Rexburg and almost getting blown over by the cold wind, and playing cards like old people. Oh, and carving pumpkins!

"If we have faith in Jesus Christ, the hardest as well as the easiest times in life can be a blessing." -Henry B. Eyring

I got married young, and that's not a bad thing.

Upon taking Kyle's car in to the mechanic - yes, the same car that was written about a month ago that is still not fixed due to their mistakes - I continued to tell him about the kinds of problems the car was having while my husband was driving the car.

"Wait... husband?"
"Yes, husband."
"You are way too young to be married. Way too young."

Rant commence.

I have heard this statement multiple times in the past nine months that I have been married. I have heard it from irrelevant people, such as my mechanic, but I have also heard it from family and friends speaking a non-judgmental, obvious fact. I am young. I was very young to be married at 19. But there was something about this statement today that really got to me for multiple reasons.

1. I understand that 50% of marriages end in divorce, and that marriages from naive twenty-somethings or younger are a major contributing factor. But that's the key word: naive. Not saying that I am the most mature person in the world, but I am mature enough to understand the extent of the importance of the commitment I was making and the reasons that I was getting married. I may not even understand exactly what I got myself into, but I know why I did.

2. We have goals. We are both going to school, pursuing amazing educations and careers that are going to benefit us well down the road. We are not rushing to have children in order to accomplish those goals. We're being smart with our time, finances, and decisions. And it's not like we dropped everything in our lives to stop and get married. We want to go somewhere in life - together!

3. In just my past nine months of marriage I have realized how amazing it is to have someone  experiencing all of life with you; someone you know is going to be there for forever. I may have missed out on a lot of experiences in living the "single life" in my twenties. A lot of experiences that I had no interest in. My interests were to travel, to hike, to go see movies, to stay up until 5 in the morning, and I do all of that with my husband right by my side. I do not feel like I missed out on any life experiences at all.

4. When you know, you know. Cliche. But love really does know no age. And when you know the person that you're supposed to marry, whether it's at age 19 or 25, you're going to snatch him up and make him yours. And you won't really understand this until it happens to you.

5. Maybe the fact that I look like I'm 15 didn't help the situation either. I swear I'm 20.

Rant over. Xo.

'Sup AZ?

First thing's first; Kyle and I are moving to Arizona!

Yes, I know that you all just got SO excited. We are beyond excited and cannot wait for this next chapter of our lives.

This wasn't an easy decision for many reasons. The biggest - we are going to be separated for the next three months of our marriage. For newlyweds, that's a super long time! But long-term it seems to be the best decision. Kyle will be down in Arizona, working and getting residency for ASU, and I will be finishing my last semester in the Medical Assisting program up in Rexburg. Confusing? Yes. Unconventional? Maybe. But that's life.

The rest of the reasons for this being a difficult decision fall into the "once you start working towards something right everything else in your life seems to go wrong" category. Literally. Once we had made this decision, everything seemed to start working against us. My car broke down. Kyle's car broke down. We fixed Kyle's car, and then something else in it broke. I got the flu right before our finals. Kyle was turned down by several jobs in Arizona. My blood results came back positive for chicken pox that I already had when I was seven. (Yeah, what the heck?) We decided to just get down to Arizona as soon as we could so that nothing else would happen to prevent us from actually getting there. And what happens in the middle of our trip? The A/C goes out. So this happened.

We both changed into basketball shorts and tank tops, filled up a thermos with ice water, and drove through the summer Arizona heat with the windows down while dancing to the only radio station that worked - ghetto rap. I have never felt so white trash in my life.

I guess the moral of my story is, when you make a decision that you know is right, never stop working towards it even though there might be a million things in the world making you think that it's not right. Always have faith in yourself and trust that you really are doing what is right. Oh, and marry someone who can make these huge life decisions with you, will endure all of the crap with you, and who will make a miserable situation one of your best memories ever.